Ever wonder why your human insists on drowning themselves every morning, or why they guard the laptop like it’s the last sunny spot on Earth? You’re not alone. Welcome to our Cat Classifieds, where common cat complaints and curious conundrums get the advice they deserve. From leash-wearing humans to the eternal struggle over desk chairs, we’ve seen it all — and we’re here to prove that no feline frustration is too bizarre for a clever fix.
BREAKING MEWS!
FEATHER PILLOWS FEAR
FOR THEIR LIVES
Notice to all cats: reports of humans refusing lap access, ignoring meal times, and bringing home unapproved furniture.
Stay calm.
The Cat Profiler is on call!
ALERT LEVEL:
TAIL PUFF!
SHARING THE BED?
NOT IN THIS LIFETIME
Feline residents experiencing human malfunctions (door-slamming, laser-pointer obsession, baffling bathroom habits) are urged to seek assistance.
Immediate support available through the Cat Profiler!
IF ONLY NINE LIVES
CAME WITH NINE
DO-OVERS!
If your human’s antics have reached front-page levels of ridiculous, you don’t have to suffer in silence.